My breakthrough...

So as you know I am pregnant, 26 weeks to be exact. In addition, and more importantly I am a Christian. I am not just a Sunday Christian, I try to follow God everyday, every moment. But those who choose this life, have many battles along the way. I wont bore you with the grewsome details but I have an accountability to God first and then to my fellow Christians. So I am writing this to provide clarification and share my testimony. I have always believed in waiting for marriage to have sex, that has always been a important value in my faith. However 10 years ago I gave myself away to a young man in a foolish attempt to recriprocate love. Ever since, I have struggled with abstaining from preamrital sex. I have beat myself up over the years, gotten angry, and fallen. When my father died in 2003 my world crashed down and I felt a huge void in my life that took until recently to fix. During this time I allowed myself to find sex as a way to heal my pain. I had seasons where I went for several months without falling and then I'd mess up. ( I sound like an alcholic lol). But this has been a very strong spiritual fight for many years. Then last year I got sick and tired of the battle and I joined a extended class at my church that focused on being sexually pure, at the end of the class you had the option to take a public vow of purity. I wore my purity ring for over a year and when I met my soon to be husband, I never mentioned the vow to him. Since I prayed and knew he was the man God sent to me I didnt hold back. We engaged in premarital sex and I got pregnant. We always discussed marriage so it did not seem too bad. But in the back of my mind I knew better. When we found out I was with child, we celebrated and told everyone. I have had joy since the day I found out. I never have or will regret my child, she is my biggest blessing yet. Even though I never thought I'd have a child out of wedlock, I am super grateful for her. Along the way, after sitting in a few church services crying to myself it dawned on me that yes, my child is a blessing but my lifestyle does not match up with my morals or God's word. So I talked to my boyfriend and we decided to stop having sex and focus on prepraing for a complete Godly marriage. That is where we are at now and WOW life has been so amazing. Since we cut out sex, our relationship with God and each other has blossomed and I am so grateful. For the first time in my life, I am free from the ties of sexual sin. And that is why I can celebrate the gift of life growing inside of me. Some of you may not understand why I felt the need to share this and trust me it is NOT easy but my love for God and desire to please him outweighs fear of judgment from others. We all struggle with something, privately or publicly. I hope this motivates you to give yourself completely unto God. There is no greater feeling. And for the mothers who have children outside of marriage please understand, the sex was the sin, the baby was a true blessing from God so never regret your child. Somehow God always manages to cleanup our mess and love us even more. If you have any questions or comments for me feel free to inbox me or comment below. I am truly a open book, its all truth over here lol! Love you all :-)

Let him be...

When I met my other half he was awesome but not his best. Since I met him he went from a Kia to a BMW, a monthly church goer to every Sunday, Vistor to church member..and all it took was prayer & waiting on God to move in his life. Ladies, you don't have to say to him a word for your man to grow. Say everything to God himself! I've learned to keep quiet and let God move...when I speak it can mess up the process. Put your trust in Him and take your mouth and your hands off the situation. Watch Him work ;-)

Quick Departure

Reading a Facebook post reminded me of a love not too far removed. This time last year I was in love with a man who was my best friend...we tasked about our wedding, reception & future home all the time. We never went more then 2 hours without talking our texting. Our connection was deep..more spiritual then anything. He had faults and insecurities but I loved him through it all. He was the only person I prayed for more than  myself. The love we shared was so natural and pure I couldn't help but to give him my all. When I first meet him I asked God to guard my  heart & give it to the man He  had for me. About 10 months ago the man I loved up and relocated to the other part of the country with little to no advance notice. I didn't get to say goodbye. 4 hours after he told me he was leaving, he was gone. I  received 3 short emails after he left and never  heard from him again. I thought he would come back with a ring and a home he bought for us two. But I never heard a word from him. Surprisingly, I didn't cry. I wasnt depressed. I was rather numb. I was shocked & disappointed. But my heart was not broken. 2 Weeks after he left I met the current love of my life. Someone asked me how I could love him so deep and move on so quick  my answer was "love is a choice". I chose to let him go when I realized he lied and left me with nothing solid to hold on to.  When I met my new man I prayed and God showed me his place in my life. I definitely was not looking for a relationship but God showed me and keeps showing me that he is my Boaz. Not my ex. God removed my ex from my life because he wasnt suppose to be my husband. God works in mysterious ways. When I asked God to give my heart to the man He had for me, He did. Ladies watch out for counterfeits. They are real and they can distract you from God's plan for your life. I share this because its my testimony. I never had a broken heart no matter how much I loved. God protected me & kept me from ruining my life. The wrong man equals the wrong plan. To this day I love my current man not because I'm so emotional over him but because he is my God send. He gave me in 1 month what my ex didn't give me in a year. I never chased men, I chased God and he gave me what my heart desired. I dated but never really cared because I knew I wasnt looking to be a girlfriend, I was created to be a wife. When a man really knows you are his destined wife he will prove it and not just say it.